Knowing you're not "the only"

Two weeks have passed since Lesbians Who Tech, and I’m still feeling inspired and energized by the sense of community and spirit from the event. I met so many great people — people who were so eager to be with their community that they not only flew in from all over the country, but came in from all around the world too. One moment in particular keeps coming back to me.

While emceeing some great talks from Melissa Im, Julia Hazer, Tiffany Shumate, Jocelyn Matthews, Faith Ng’etich, and Jasmine Shells about career development, the topic of what it’s like to be ‘the only one’ at work came up. I asked the crowd, “who feels like they’re ‘the only’ at work?” Hands went up across the room. I then asked, “who feels like 'the only' here today?” All the hands went down, and a new one popped up.

That hand belonged to a colleague of mine Kieran Culligan. We all laughed in the moment, but Kieran came up to me afterwards and told me that it was a powerful window into the experience of others. Since then, he has been more conscious about his ally-ship at work by taking a moment in each meeting to ask how inclusive we’re being, and whether there’s a chance anyone is feeling like the one and only. If so, he asks what he can do to bring them closer in.

Kieran's experience helped him grow as an ally, but we shouldn't need to rely on once-a-year experiences to remind ourselves of the importance of empathy and inclusivity. For three special days at LWT, lesbians, queer women, and allies feel seen and part of a community — but we should feel this way every day, because everyone deserves to feel a sense of community and acceptance, every day of the year.